In recent years, the attitude to psychotherapy has changed significantly for the better. Both stars and ordinary people willingly share their experience. But for many representatives of the older generation, psychotherapy is still a taboo. What to do if your parents are exactly the same, but in your opinion they need a specialist help?
Parents should hardly blame: for a long time all over the world, and even more so in Russia, the topic of seeking professional psychological or psychiatric help was stigmatized.
“The facts of campaigns to the therapist (not to mention treatment in the hospital) were kept in many families in the strictest secret. It is not surprising that many representatives of the older generation are still believed – to contact the therapist ashamed, this is a sign of weakness or that life has failed, and only seriously ill people are needed, ”explains the social worker and specialist in pairs and families Tracy Ross.
Perhaps your parents also believe that “feelings need to be kept with you”. It is also possible that right now they need professional help: the consequences of the pandemic, forced isolation, a long stay in the atmosphere of fear for themselves, their life and the health of loved ones make themselves felt.
How to convince them to go to therapy, especially if they believe that the psychologist will not help them, this is the entertainment for the rich, “I am already too old (a) to change” or “I can talk to friends”?
Here are some tips that can help.
1. Show them your love
“Act from the position of love and care,” says family therapist Rachel Tomasyan. – Act
as softly as possible. Explain: you noticed that mother or father has not been easy for recently, and have found a specialist who can help “.
If the parent hesitates, offer to think together about how to arrange everything. For example, you could escort it to the first consultation. Do not denote the situation as a “problem”, focus on the fact that the parent can only benefit from the fact that he will talk to a specialist and learn something new.
“Express anxiety, but in no case do not blame the parent for what he is not to blame,” Ross advises.
2. Explain why you think that the parent will not interfere
“You can, for example, say: I noticed (a) that you became (a) less often to leave the house and almost never called up with friends. I am worried about you. It seems to me that a meeting with a psychologist would have helped you a lot, ”Clinical psychologist Zainaba advises.
You can also tell how this whole situation affects you, and emphasize that you really are seriously concerned, but you can’t act as a therapist yourself – you need a professional help here. “If your parents expect emotional support from you that you cannot provide, explain why they need a third -party help”.
3. Admit their right to doubt
If parents hesitate or categorically object to therapy, do not crush. Try to listen and understand what worries them. “Show that you understand their excitement, distrust and fears,” Masovalla suggests. “For example, we can say: yes, I understand, it’s not easy to talk about a personal stranger”.
Invite the parent to share doubts with the therapist himself at the first session. “An experienced psychologist knows how to work with this,” Ross assures.
4. Tell us about your experience of therapy
Having recognized the parent’s right to doubt and fears, share your experience: tell us about how therapy has improved the quality of your life. Explain that the task of the therapist is not to condemn, not give advice and not explain, “how to live”, but give the opportunity to look at the situation in a new way and independently see ways to solve possible problems. Tell us what to expect from sessions, how therapeutic work is being built.
If you yourself have never seen professional help, you can tell about the experience of friends or share statistical data. Or you can sign up for a free consultation in the Center for Psychological Assistance to the population (if there is one in your city) and share the information from first -hand.
It is also worth explaining: what is happening at the session will remain strictly between your parent and psychologist.
5. Help find a good specialist
Different psychologists work in different approaches, and not all of them will suit your parents. In the variety of methods and concepts, it is easy to get confused, so help. Ask a mother or father, with what generation and gender to him or she will communicate more comfortably, and consider these wishes.
6. Gradually accustom your parents to the idea of the need for therapy
Explain to parents that they do not have to “subscribe” to something global and long: to start, convince them to go to several trial sessions. “Although many elderly people believe that it’s already too late to change something or there is no point in digging up in the past, having begun to work with the therapist, they experience considerable relief,” Ross explains. – Many even complain later: and why I did not (a) this before!”
Another way to convince them to try therapy is to ask them to participate in several general family sessions “for your good”. It is easier for many to do this than to go to therapy for the sake of ourselves. Often at such sessions, parents gradually relax, begin to trust the therapist and open, feel the first positive effect and no longer object to individual therapy.
7. be patient
“It is worth immediately preparing to be prepared for the fact that parents can perceive the idea of seeking professional help in hostility,” recommends Madevalla. – It is better to tune in to regularly conduct conversations with them on this topic, work with their objections and fears. Let the parent understand that you will be nearby throughout the way: help you find the therapist, agree on a meeting, discuss with him what was at the session ”.
“Patience, sympathy and skills of active hearing to help you,” the former president of the American Axiety for Working with Alarm and Depression Mark Pollak. – If the parent experiences problems with sleep, appetite or complains that there is no strength at all, you can advise you to contact the therapist/general practitioner, and he, in turn, will direct him to a psychologist “.
8. Dye of expectations
“It may seem to you that seeking psychological help is something in the order of things, but most likely for your parents this is not so. They grew up at a time when campaigns to a specialist of such a profile seemed a sign of weakness or illness. They are still sure that you should not take out the IC from the hut, and probably there are injuries and skeletons in the closet that they did not tell a single living soul about, – explains Ross. – They are afraid that if you open this “Pandora box”, it will only be worse ”.
Even if you do everything right, show maximum care, patience, tact, attention and love, there is still a risk that parents will continue to refuse therapy. In this case, remember: the main thing is your own mental health. You may have to work with a psychologist to accept the situation (including the fact that it will not change).
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